Monday, June 2, 2008
may ousted me towards a new weakness. in addition to around the clock morning sickness, my mother has been in the hospital and rehabilitation center for twenty three days. i have neglected my flowers and chickens, any personal time at all, and all else i have needed to to care for my mother and father. anyone would have done the same. knowing she was coming home, we spent eight hours at their house saturday cleaning and preparing. sunday, i had a pulled muscle in my back and i've been in bed ever since. be still, he says. be still, pray, seek, know me and the power of my strength. why - during times of weakness and of despair, do i forget to drink deep from the living water. i plea the grace of christ when i am weak, but that never negates the reality that without him, i shrivel quickly. and so i am here knowing that he needed me to be still and hear him more than i needed to save the situation, all situations, on my own.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I meant to say in the post before that what I am afraid to say in writing about some pulse so near to my heart is EXACTLY what I used to urge my students to do. If you can push through the fear of weeping on a dusty white keyboard, a journal page, and write your experience aloud, you have then written well. It demands courage to be vulnerable and the bliss that follows with remarkable release. The reader, too, then gains a sense of pathway to know and sympathize with you and once there is an identification of "ahhh, you have felt that too!", there is a way to be brother and sister. If I let you in on my groaning, your quiet groaning seems less hopeless. I feel so convinced of that.
While we are adding a bedroom for Mya to the back of our home and my belly is pushing outward on my sundresses, my mother is in her pink top and shorts exercising with the physical therapists. She reminds me each time i visit that she is well, that she is just a lap or so from finishing this trial. She hasn't once questioned why. She has been a remarkable student.
The girls are finishing up the year at Antioch and it's the last year that they will all be in the same school together. I think people wonder how you can offer enough attention to multiple children and I thought the same thing last night as i made bedtime rounds to their cheeks and sides. My heart only grows larger, my capacity for multiplied love expanding like a hummingbird vine. I don't attempt to slot time for each daughter, i can barely keep myself from them all the time. And Love, in charge of my day and night, gives me grace to love in a tiny way as He loves.
While we are adding a bedroom for Mya to the back of our home and my belly is pushing outward on my sundresses, my mother is in her pink top and shorts exercising with the physical therapists. She reminds me each time i visit that she is well, that she is just a lap or so from finishing this trial. She hasn't once questioned why. She has been a remarkable student.
The girls are finishing up the year at Antioch and it's the last year that they will all be in the same school together. I think people wonder how you can offer enough attention to multiple children and I thought the same thing last night as i made bedtime rounds to their cheeks and sides. My heart only grows larger, my capacity for multiplied love expanding like a hummingbird vine. I don't attempt to slot time for each daughter, i can barely keep myself from them all the time. And Love, in charge of my day and night, gives me grace to love in a tiny way as He loves.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I fear writing about the topics that are so close to my soul. I can barely write about my children and my husband. And I have had a difficult time writing about my mother having a stroke and finding affliction. She has never been wounded, she is as strong as the tide and loves life as much as any person I have ever spoken to. She adores and has giant patience with children, she is a rule breaker, a party lover. But over all, she is the purest of hearts, she gives and does not tire. She is selfless and wonderful. Everyone who knows her, loves her. Everyone speaks so highly of her. She is an original beauty.
She had a stroke on Saturday morning and I listened as her voice grew quiet, and her body was still and worried. I curled beside of her waiting for the ambulance and praying to our Father pleas of help and words of trust and love. She locked eyes with me, she wondered if she would ever get well. I kissed her head, I rubbed her hair, I prayed with my soul for her and over her. She wept and spoke quiet and still. I have not exhaled since that moment.
By now, she has made it through ambulance rides, Neuro-ICU on Mother's day, and several days in a dull tan hospital room with florescent lights. Her window can be easily seen from the courtyard below. It is a window on the third floor spilling over with flowers. She has averaged twenty visitors per day and has easily become the favorite of the nurses. I have been sitting with her during the day, sending her and pop food for the night from the dear people at school. My father has not left her, he has showered her with his nearness and care. She has been honored and adored and is fighting for the use of her right hand and arm, the recovery of her walking, and the complete clarity of her speech.
But it is hard for one to understand where I am aching as a daughter, as a friend, for those who have not panged through this. I couldn't have beforehand understood and God forgive me for not being more sympathetic towards people with aching in their hearts. Isn't life easy without tragedy and trial. But grace offers me sound sleep, Christ offers me Hope beyond reasoning. And the children give us all a motivation to continue to sing.
Perhaps tomorrow on to rehab for her, and finally out of the dull hospital room with horrible florescent lighting.
She had a stroke on Saturday morning and I listened as her voice grew quiet, and her body was still and worried. I curled beside of her waiting for the ambulance and praying to our Father pleas of help and words of trust and love. She locked eyes with me, she wondered if she would ever get well. I kissed her head, I rubbed her hair, I prayed with my soul for her and over her. She wept and spoke quiet and still. I have not exhaled since that moment.
By now, she has made it through ambulance rides, Neuro-ICU on Mother's day, and several days in a dull tan hospital room with florescent lights. Her window can be easily seen from the courtyard below. It is a window on the third floor spilling over with flowers. She has averaged twenty visitors per day and has easily become the favorite of the nurses. I have been sitting with her during the day, sending her and pop food for the night from the dear people at school. My father has not left her, he has showered her with his nearness and care. She has been honored and adored and is fighting for the use of her right hand and arm, the recovery of her walking, and the complete clarity of her speech.
But it is hard for one to understand where I am aching as a daughter, as a friend, for those who have not panged through this. I couldn't have beforehand understood and God forgive me for not being more sympathetic towards people with aching in their hearts. Isn't life easy without tragedy and trial. But grace offers me sound sleep, Christ offers me Hope beyond reasoning. And the children give us all a motivation to continue to sing.
Perhaps tomorrow on to rehab for her, and finally out of the dull hospital room with horrible florescent lighting.
Friday, May 9, 2008
On the wind, He sends me a baby bird.
To dress in glory sunlight sheets
He clothes my heart with morning song
He lifts my face to see the rolling wings down
through the unreachable belief of a miracle.
I have wanted another child for at least five years. I was afraid to speak such a desire. I concealed my longing and disciplined myself to hush. And then I told Bryan. And then I told Madison. And then I began to pray. And then Bryan began sharing my desire. And the community that had been formed around our table from the Lord, divine friends beautiful and more real than trees, became close. And in relationships there is a point of progression to move on, or to leave. The stuff we conceal is protected by fear's walls. Friends, God-sent friends, can look into those places and identify. It happened. Miranda gave us hope. She worked for a place that could maybe help us. They couldn't in the end, but it gave our hope a fountain. I continued to pray every day, in the morning, on the porch with the Lord, giving it to Him, crying, surrendering. It was a long season of trusting Him either way. I trained my mouth to say, "Yes, Lord, your will be so in my life. Take this desire if it isn't from you. I don't want despair. I can be content if I have you and nothing else." The desire remained. I told my girls of my heart's desires. We prayed every meal, every morning, every night together for a baby. We made an appointment for Bryan to see his doctor, he referred us to another doctor. It was expensive. The Lord provided unseen money. He had a surgery in February. We carried, we cared for him for four weeks. He was weak, I loved him well. I saw a friend. Her husband had the same doctor, the same surgery, and she had a baby in her arms. She helped me hope. She gave me God's words. My friends helped me to pray, they asked, they loved me.
On Monday, May the 5th, we found out that God gave us a baby. On Tuesday, May 6th, my doctor confirmed and said it's a miracle. It's a miracle. Praise to the Lord the Almighty the King of Creation. Oh, My Soul Praise Him for He is my health and Salvation. All ye who hear, now to his temple draw near and praise Him with glad adoration. Our baby is due on January 12th, 2009. "Oh Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25: 1
To dress in glory sunlight sheets
He clothes my heart with morning song
He lifts my face to see the rolling wings down
through the unreachable belief of a miracle.
I have wanted another child for at least five years. I was afraid to speak such a desire. I concealed my longing and disciplined myself to hush. And then I told Bryan. And then I told Madison. And then I began to pray. And then Bryan began sharing my desire. And the community that had been formed around our table from the Lord, divine friends beautiful and more real than trees, became close. And in relationships there is a point of progression to move on, or to leave. The stuff we conceal is protected by fear's walls. Friends, God-sent friends, can look into those places and identify. It happened. Miranda gave us hope. She worked for a place that could maybe help us. They couldn't in the end, but it gave our hope a fountain. I continued to pray every day, in the morning, on the porch with the Lord, giving it to Him, crying, surrendering. It was a long season of trusting Him either way. I trained my mouth to say, "Yes, Lord, your will be so in my life. Take this desire if it isn't from you. I don't want despair. I can be content if I have you and nothing else." The desire remained. I told my girls of my heart's desires. We prayed every meal, every morning, every night together for a baby. We made an appointment for Bryan to see his doctor, he referred us to another doctor. It was expensive. The Lord provided unseen money. He had a surgery in February. We carried, we cared for him for four weeks. He was weak, I loved him well. I saw a friend. Her husband had the same doctor, the same surgery, and she had a baby in her arms. She helped me hope. She gave me God's words. My friends helped me to pray, they asked, they loved me.
On Monday, May the 5th, we found out that God gave us a baby. On Tuesday, May 6th, my doctor confirmed and said it's a miracle. It's a miracle. Praise to the Lord the Almighty the King of Creation. Oh, My Soul Praise Him for He is my health and Salvation. All ye who hear, now to his temple draw near and praise Him with glad adoration. Our baby is due on January 12th, 2009. "Oh Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25: 1
Monday, May 5, 2008
I had Bible Study with the children yesterday. The Lord placed it on my heart to tell them to read His word every day to get to know Him more. We read the story of Zaccheaus together and looked within the text for details, for salvation, for the things that he did to draw the Lord close to him. The children were listening, they were quickened by the Lord. I was elated. I want more time to dig into the word with them. This is it! It's not craft, business, confusion....it's digging, it's worshipping.
It's Cinco de Mayo. It's one I will never forget. Ever. Going to have a spinach salad at Hawthorne's with Bryan with full out joy in my bones.
I love this selection from Life Together: Community. Beautiful.
Everything in my yard is in bloom. We have 13 chicks in the coop. A baker's dozen eggs soon per day.
It's Cinco de Mayo. It's one I will never forget. Ever. Going to have a spinach salad at Hawthorne's with Bryan with full out joy in my bones.
I love this selection from Life Together: Community. Beautiful.
Everything in my yard is in bloom. We have 13 chicks in the coop. A baker's dozen eggs soon per day.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
i forget to do this, to write about the ordinary life which will turn into extraordinary memory for the whole family. I want to remember these days with you little girls: our singing on the way to school to Billy Jonas, Bethany Dillon, Nickel Creek and the way we are all pretty tense trying to get out the door on time. We have to work together. If one person is ill, cranky, slow to get up and get moving, the rest of us focus on that person like an immune system goes to the site of infection with an extra pulse and attention, and we work to get them back on track. Ele is not a morning person, Madison is very efficient and non fussy about her clothes and so she can stay in bed longest and be ready first. She's not big on breakfast, so that cuts out time, too. Mya always takes a long bath first thing in the morning and loves to take her time getting out, drying off, and can never find that one piece of clothing she was dreaming of wearing. Ele hates early morning. She hates it. It's hard for her, she fights, we plea, she grunts and kicks and storms around stomping. She requires babying, caudling, coaxing. It's a feat. But so great when we all finally get into the car and ahhhhhh, we did it! We also make lunches, sign things, search for shoes, pack extra shoes for p.e., etc. all while we're half asleep. It's quite a way to start the day.
It makes me remember the quiet way we woke the campers at Celo with strumming and singing "Here comes the sun" while we walked slowly by their closed tent flaps. Then the yawns, the bed head and the slow walk to breakfast. Summer is coming. Hallelujah.
We have 3 pretty brown hens, a mother black hen and her 11 chicks, a bunny, a gecko, a dog, and a cat currently. The little brown hens were waiting on the porch for Mya and I this afternoon. My rose bush has exploded with pink blooms. We will work on the chicken pen this Saturday. My mom's birthday is on Saturday. She has a slipped disc in her back for the 6th day in a row. We are getting ready to go and see Luke's game and bring Lizzy home for a sleepover tonight. Mya and Bryan just got back from a run.
A normal nothing out of the ordinary day of waiting. The best of days; free from sorrow, near to the blessing of the Lord.
It makes me remember the quiet way we woke the campers at Celo with strumming and singing "Here comes the sun" while we walked slowly by their closed tent flaps. Then the yawns, the bed head and the slow walk to breakfast. Summer is coming. Hallelujah.
We have 3 pretty brown hens, a mother black hen and her 11 chicks, a bunny, a gecko, a dog, and a cat currently. The little brown hens were waiting on the porch for Mya and I this afternoon. My rose bush has exploded with pink blooms. We will work on the chicken pen this Saturday. My mom's birthday is on Saturday. She has a slipped disc in her back for the 6th day in a row. We are getting ready to go and see Luke's game and bring Lizzy home for a sleepover tonight. Mya and Bryan just got back from a run.
A normal nothing out of the ordinary day of waiting. The best of days; free from sorrow, near to the blessing of the Lord.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Sometimes my students from Metrolina flood my mind. Besides the fact that they were a huge investment of my life and time, they were a beautiful lot. I loved them for many reasons. They were my treasures, and still are. So I started thinking of many of them last night. I have not written to them in quite a while and wanted to hear from them, but I'd lost all of my contacts. And I didn't know what I would say. It feels like I have nothing to say. Lately, I am plugging along trying to have the girls clothes cleaned and folded so they can have their favorite things to wear, have Bryan's clothes for work ready to go, feed the chickens (15 of them) fed and watered, the bunny, the cat and dog, the gecko (that reminds me) and think of sunday school materials i need to pick up for 30 or so kids that will be waiting on me on sunday, preparing the workers, being an available aunt, vacuuming, windows, you know. and my mind just wants to sit and spill words out and arrange them into meaning so as to reveal the beauty of God. When in the world will i ever ever ever have time to be a vessel? to be a disciple? to do this grand thing that i have been called to do, marked to do, glorified to accomplish?
And so Sarah wrote to me. And Haley wrote to me. And delivered messages from the Lord of love. And as I sat this morning, taking a break from laundry to respond to Sarah, I realized something very key and powerful. It was through ministering to her that God revealed himself to me. And something that didn't occur to me until this instant is that when I am doing what God has called me to do, God shows up and says this is my son listen to him! I was helping Sarah to see the Lord through her confusion and in that, God spoke to me. The hauling of this cross occurs as you face these duties with grace. The way my spirit responds to chaos and to the relationships I have where no one else wants to help or is able to help is Christ in me. What I must do is to be Christ in His patience, His love, His forgiveness, His patience, His love, His forgiveness over and over again. I cannot manage people. I am a horrible leader. I am an encourager. Let the leaders be born. Let them come out. Let the feet be in motion, and the hands reach to help else the entire system, the whole body is in a cast of motionlessness. All I know how to do is to continue to encourage the others to move, move closer in. Forsake the fear of becoming too predictable. God wants to assign new glory to those establishments that man has marred. That will occur through our willingness to be Him in ordinary situations. Whether what i am called to is successful or doomed for failure, I must be Him daily. And I can't determine my own worth by how much I master a new thing He's revealed to me. I must sink lower, go further away from pride in spiritual accomplishment and call myself chief of sinners, so that as I become less and the light of revelation is lowered deeper into the caverns of my being, my breath is slow and steady and His spirit becomes a loving wind that goes out and not stays in. Okay. it is miserable to be outside of the body of christ and to then manage productivity on my own. this. this is what we were created for. at all stages of life, to be for someone Christ's voice and power and love and hope. it cannot happen alone.
i see that from the time of my teaching high school, teaching pre-school, and now teaching students. people need to know that He's still here and they will often know that by Him in us. If no one is around, if you and I are alone because it's easier to be alone than to deal with people, how will He ever be known? It isn't mysterious. It's mud upon my eyes. It's so grit real, so much in the table full of snacks and the pots of chili and the bowing and getting back up and loving and the ceasing of analyzing for a second to praise God for THIS place, THIS time.
And so Sarah wrote to me. And Haley wrote to me. And delivered messages from the Lord of love. And as I sat this morning, taking a break from laundry to respond to Sarah, I realized something very key and powerful. It was through ministering to her that God revealed himself to me. And something that didn't occur to me until this instant is that when I am doing what God has called me to do, God shows up and says this is my son listen to him! I was helping Sarah to see the Lord through her confusion and in that, God spoke to me. The hauling of this cross occurs as you face these duties with grace. The way my spirit responds to chaos and to the relationships I have where no one else wants to help or is able to help is Christ in me. What I must do is to be Christ in His patience, His love, His forgiveness, His patience, His love, His forgiveness over and over again. I cannot manage people. I am a horrible leader. I am an encourager. Let the leaders be born. Let them come out. Let the feet be in motion, and the hands reach to help else the entire system, the whole body is in a cast of motionlessness. All I know how to do is to continue to encourage the others to move, move closer in. Forsake the fear of becoming too predictable. God wants to assign new glory to those establishments that man has marred. That will occur through our willingness to be Him in ordinary situations. Whether what i am called to is successful or doomed for failure, I must be Him daily. And I can't determine my own worth by how much I master a new thing He's revealed to me. I must sink lower, go further away from pride in spiritual accomplishment and call myself chief of sinners, so that as I become less and the light of revelation is lowered deeper into the caverns of my being, my breath is slow and steady and His spirit becomes a loving wind that goes out and not stays in. Okay. it is miserable to be outside of the body of christ and to then manage productivity on my own. this. this is what we were created for. at all stages of life, to be for someone Christ's voice and power and love and hope. it cannot happen alone.
i see that from the time of my teaching high school, teaching pre-school, and now teaching students. people need to know that He's still here and they will often know that by Him in us. If no one is around, if you and I are alone because it's easier to be alone than to deal with people, how will He ever be known? It isn't mysterious. It's mud upon my eyes. It's so grit real, so much in the table full of snacks and the pots of chili and the bowing and getting back up and loving and the ceasing of analyzing for a second to praise God for THIS place, THIS time.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Madison and Mya have been making movies over the past couple of days. Mya's are claymation and Madison's use her Calico Critters in a series of short clips and editing their movements to stream a scene. It's amazing to watch them invent and set stages and to work at their editing for so long without moving. The movies are cute animal scenes with events like going out to dinner and playing in the sand.
Madison is 10 now and I honestly don't think she is going to face an awkward phase. She looks so much like Bryan; she is a beautiful little lady. She doesn't want braces. She likes the way her teeth are. She is still innocent, so innocent compared to the other fifth graders in her school. She hated ballet at first since she was the oldest in the class, but she is so lovely in motion that I think it has been a good experience for her. She loves the theater. She does not love unnecessary time in school.
She is a child i am only able to describe in verse, because the composition of her character is an equal balance of creative genius and type a hyper sensitive over reaction. She is an organized artist. Rare. And so I will watch her swim through a middle school obstacle course sooner than i think. i know her too well to speak of it. she is my external heart. to describe her is to talk about those twitches and kicks that i myself feel, only she is extraordinarily beautiful.
i stumbled upon a copy of the girls singing "Jesus, You're Beautiful" on shuffle today. i didn't even know i had it still. Their voices arrested me. So sweet. i was proud that because of my love for song, because I go about this house singing day by day, they too will sing. I have thought lately during my driving that it truly is a gift to be able to wail in the middle of the day, even in your car. Not many people i pass have their mouths opened in song. it felt like God was telling me that he'd given me a song and that i should sing it. especially on independence blvd.
i allowed myself to crawl today instead of pushing myself to the mountain top. it felt okay to let myself be angry, to be weak and in need. though it's what i preach, i cannot practice it easily. Forgive yourself, Nicole. Don't be so hard on you. Fling all of the disappointments in yourself to the Christ who gave you a name and a redemption.
The words will ever leak out. this is the way they spew before the windy fan of precision comes and shuffles them into a verse.
Madison. Darling, you were the first breath of purity my broken body ever knew. Praise God for little electric you. An extra jolt, a hand from the skies curled your hair and shined up your eyes. i adore you today, sweet little lady.
Madison is 10 now and I honestly don't think she is going to face an awkward phase. She looks so much like Bryan; she is a beautiful little lady. She doesn't want braces. She likes the way her teeth are. She is still innocent, so innocent compared to the other fifth graders in her school. She hated ballet at first since she was the oldest in the class, but she is so lovely in motion that I think it has been a good experience for her. She loves the theater. She does not love unnecessary time in school.
She is a child i am only able to describe in verse, because the composition of her character is an equal balance of creative genius and type a hyper sensitive over reaction. She is an organized artist. Rare. And so I will watch her swim through a middle school obstacle course sooner than i think. i know her too well to speak of it. she is my external heart. to describe her is to talk about those twitches and kicks that i myself feel, only she is extraordinarily beautiful.
i stumbled upon a copy of the girls singing "Jesus, You're Beautiful" on shuffle today. i didn't even know i had it still. Their voices arrested me. So sweet. i was proud that because of my love for song, because I go about this house singing day by day, they too will sing. I have thought lately during my driving that it truly is a gift to be able to wail in the middle of the day, even in your car. Not many people i pass have their mouths opened in song. it felt like God was telling me that he'd given me a song and that i should sing it. especially on independence blvd.
i allowed myself to crawl today instead of pushing myself to the mountain top. it felt okay to let myself be angry, to be weak and in need. though it's what i preach, i cannot practice it easily. Forgive yourself, Nicole. Don't be so hard on you. Fling all of the disappointments in yourself to the Christ who gave you a name and a redemption.
The words will ever leak out. this is the way they spew before the windy fan of precision comes and shuffles them into a verse.
Madison. Darling, you were the first breath of purity my broken body ever knew. Praise God for little electric you. An extra jolt, a hand from the skies curled your hair and shined up your eyes. i adore you today, sweet little lady.
In so many ways, this is my dream waking. Before I worked, when my girls were still tottering, I fell in love headlong with Jesus and his voice in my ear. I wanted to walk about with him, no, i wanted to be dusty footed no bag in hand gentle voice to the poor and the despairing. It felt that I was living that calling out when I met with mothers during my first job post motherhood. I took Mya and Ele three days a week to Central's preschool and shared my life with other teachers there. I learned the discipline of fasting, I learned the power of prayer in these intense all night vigils with my sisters there. My heart and my spirit life grew so exponentially there. But I was pulled on. The next year I home schooled and the Lord began to reveal that I was to teach and so I pursued getting my masters, but there were giant barriers to that. I was hired at MCA and eventually met my next season of intense labor. The students came in clad in different chains, but they were all chained. And I loved their beauty and I miss them so dearly today. Often I wonder what they carry from our time there in the dim, dim room in modular b. I remember rallying around the little i-pod speakers sharing amazing songs with them, sharing our days and our wrecks and coming to know them as my own. I watched them grow and stray and fight the straight and narrow. Oh, my beautiful children. You all have multiplied the expanse of my heart for ever. Flow gently sweet Afton among the green braes, flow gently i'll sing thee a song in thy praise. Call this a framework of ideas to expand on later...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Driving to the Outer Banks
We rise and ride to see you
Morning cracking up the sky
Roll down the windows sugar
The chilly night is singing goodbye
I'll stick my fingers through her spine
And have communion in the light.
Get me to the sea
to be near to that revolutionary
(not complete)
Morning cracking up the sky
Roll down the windows sugar
The chilly night is singing goodbye
I'll stick my fingers through her spine
And have communion in the light.
Get me to the sea
to be near to that revolutionary
(not complete)
Too day to be night.
Catching up on near past memoirs.
April of '05 in March of '08
as is.
Beautiful weekend the Lord gave us. We celebrated Mya's b-day party Friday night w/ 17 kids. They played parachute, baseball, red rover, had pizza, chips, pineapples, and a pretty rose cake. Mya got lots of pretty things: dolls, polly pockets, pom poms, lovely homemade cards, etc. Watched The Incredibles and ate popcorn. Kids left at 10. Ball games on Saturday. Maddie got a hit and won. Mya won in an exciting game. Austin's party was Saturday afternoon. Sunday went to the park and picnic, napped and Elizabeth and Mary Kate were dedicated Sunday night and after church we went to McAlister's. Tea party today at Nana's school.
April 6 of '05
My girls work hard at their schoolwork, trying to beat Spring Fever. Their skin has sap in places and Maddie and Ele needs a trim. Ele prayed a special prayer for China that everyone she knows would be Chinese. Her blonde hair hangs to her waist and she has learned to hit a baseball with her little ball uniform (pink star ball shirt, black athletic shorts and Dean and Deluca hat.) She alternates that outfit with pretty dresses. Mya lost her front top tooth and the look quite suits her. She loves the action of the ballfield, social as I've ever seen. Beautiful, very wild, and precious. 4 days from 6. Her party's Friday night from 6-10. Madison's been helping plan it all week. Madison's on Mrs. Amy's softball team. She likes it okay, but my little scholar wants to do her work perfectly and quickly. She is so inventive and a wonderful leader. She loves to eavesdrop on my conversations and yesterday, she and Mya rode their bikes to the top of the driveway for the hill. She spent the afternoon pampering Mya the birthday girl.
Your bathing leaves me clean and I need cleaning for my mind. Deliver all the edgy aggrevation from surfacing. Be near O God as I desire your voice in my ear. Calming, directing, creating, shielding and sculpting all deformities.
April of '05 in March of '08
as is.
Beautiful weekend the Lord gave us. We celebrated Mya's b-day party Friday night w/ 17 kids. They played parachute, baseball, red rover, had pizza, chips, pineapples, and a pretty rose cake. Mya got lots of pretty things: dolls, polly pockets, pom poms, lovely homemade cards, etc. Watched The Incredibles and ate popcorn. Kids left at 10. Ball games on Saturday. Maddie got a hit and won. Mya won in an exciting game. Austin's party was Saturday afternoon. Sunday went to the park and picnic, napped and Elizabeth and Mary Kate were dedicated Sunday night and after church we went to McAlister's. Tea party today at Nana's school.
April 6 of '05
My girls work hard at their schoolwork, trying to beat Spring Fever. Their skin has sap in places and Maddie and Ele needs a trim. Ele prayed a special prayer for China that everyone she knows would be Chinese. Her blonde hair hangs to her waist and she has learned to hit a baseball with her little ball uniform (pink star ball shirt, black athletic shorts and Dean and Deluca hat.) She alternates that outfit with pretty dresses. Mya lost her front top tooth and the look quite suits her. She loves the action of the ballfield, social as I've ever seen. Beautiful, very wild, and precious. 4 days from 6. Her party's Friday night from 6-10. Madison's been helping plan it all week. Madison's on Mrs. Amy's softball team. She likes it okay, but my little scholar wants to do her work perfectly and quickly. She is so inventive and a wonderful leader. She loves to eavesdrop on my conversations and yesterday, she and Mya rode their bikes to the top of the driveway for the hill. She spent the afternoon pampering Mya the birthday girl.
Your bathing leaves me clean and I need cleaning for my mind. Deliver all the edgy aggrevation from surfacing. Be near O God as I desire your voice in my ear. Calming, directing, creating, shielding and sculpting all deformities.
Friday, March 21, 2008
A Dream, the Voice of the Lord, Life Here
It was a segmented and fragmented dream. The emotion was frustration. Things my heart wanted were kept from me. The ending was peace. A train came and interrupted a camp-like gathering. There was a time of playing in the water, of running. The path wound into a dining hall where everyone was starving and I was in charge of the cooking. I pushed through the line of people to get to the kitchen. There was a carelessness in the kitchen. One young lady put a glass casserole on a burner and poured ice water into it just to watch it explode and the glass shards flew into the other food. I saw the danger of it, I warned her but she didn't listen. I watched people drive away some congregation some friends without saying goodbye and my heart ached. I was in the kitchen cleaning while everyone was playing in the yard. I was bitter. The Lord taught many things to me in the dream. He is here, and his light cleanses me. In each dangerous situation, I was protected at a distance. The Lord gave caution to me in my heart to not lose my mind, my temper, my precious things. Closer to Him, I feel His sacrifice for me and my love for Him deepens. He is going to be near always to me because of His sweet Love.
It's good Friday and I'm here at home with my darling girls.
It's good Friday and I'm here at home with my darling girls.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
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