I fear writing about the topics that are so close to my soul. I can barely write about my children and my husband. And I have had a difficult time writing about my mother having a stroke and finding affliction. She has never been wounded, she is as strong as the tide and loves life as much as any person I have ever spoken to. She adores and has giant patience with children, she is a rule breaker, a party lover. But over all, she is the purest of hearts, she gives and does not tire. She is selfless and wonderful. Everyone who knows her, loves her. Everyone speaks so highly of her. She is an original beauty.
She had a stroke on Saturday morning and I listened as her voice grew quiet, and her body was still and worried. I curled beside of her waiting for the ambulance and praying to our Father pleas of help and words of trust and love. She locked eyes with me, she wondered if she would ever get well. I kissed her head, I rubbed her hair, I prayed with my soul for her and over her. She wept and spoke quiet and still. I have not exhaled since that moment.
By now, she has made it through ambulance rides, Neuro-ICU on Mother's day, and several days in a dull tan hospital room with florescent lights. Her window can be easily seen from the courtyard below. It is a window on the third floor spilling over with flowers. She has averaged twenty visitors per day and has easily become the favorite of the nurses. I have been sitting with her during the day, sending her and pop food for the night from the dear people at school. My father has not left her, he has showered her with his nearness and care. She has been honored and adored and is fighting for the use of her right hand and arm, the recovery of her walking, and the complete clarity of her speech.
But it is hard for one to understand where I am aching as a daughter, as a friend, for those who have not panged through this. I couldn't have beforehand understood and God forgive me for not being more sympathetic towards people with aching in their hearts. Isn't life easy without tragedy and trial. But grace offers me sound sleep, Christ offers me Hope beyond reasoning. And the children give us all a motivation to continue to sing.
Perhaps tomorrow on to rehab for her, and finally out of the dull hospital room with horrible florescent lighting.